“Accents” | Russell Peters

“Accents” | Russell Peters


>>Russell Peters: I’m gonna let out a secret about Indian people, for all the people here, or all the people watching, or wherever you are. If you’re not Indian, this is a message to you, on behalf of all Indian people. Hope my brown people don’t get upset, that I’m letting out our secret, [Laughter] but just so you guys know; Indian people are fully aware of what their accent sounds like. [Laughter] We don’t actually need you– [Laughter] We know exactly what it sounds like. We know it’s not the coolest accent in the world, you know? You’re never gonna see two Indian guys in a club standing around going, [Indian accent] “Hey man, aren’t we cool?” [Laughter] [Indian accent] “Don’t we sound really hip? We are going to meet all the bitches tonight.” [Laughter] [Indian accent] “I’m pimping!” [Laughter] It’s not gonna happen. We know what it sounds like, you know? And don’t think, for one minute, that we don’t know that you’re mocking us, when we’re not around. It’s an accent, we’re not deaf! [Laughter] Don’t think when we walk into Home Depot and go, [Indian accent] “Hello, I am looking for paint.” [North American accent] Yeah it’s right down that isle, over there, sir. [Busting out laughing] [Laughter] “Hey Jim, did you hear that guy? He’s looking for ‘paynt!” [Laughter] “Paynt!” [Laughter] “PAAAYNT!” [Laughter] “Hey, let’s go have a cigarette, and talk like this, for half an hour.” [Laughter] We know you’re doing it, you bastards! But Indian people know what their accent’s good for, and what it’s not good for. We know it’s limitations. You know what I mean? We know it’s not good for– for getting laid. It’s not gonna help you. [Indian accent] “Hello baby.” [Laughter] Nothing’s gonna happen for you. But you know what the Indian accent IS good for? Cutting tension. You got a tense situation? Pop in the Indian accent. Tension’s gone. Picture a serious courtroom drama. [Laughter] [North American accent] “Your Honor, my client… [Cheerful Indian accent] Would like to plea guiltyyy!” [Laughter] Tension’s gone! [Laughter] But white people, let me talk to you for a minute! White Canadian people, especially. Canadian white people, when I say Canadian I mean, you’re Canadian, your parents are Canadian, your grandparents are Canadian, you’re REALLY Canadian. Canadian white people – you have an accent. and they’re completely oblivious to it. You do! I don’t know if you’re aware of it, sir. [Laughter] You may not have it. You look like a rich, Canadian white guy. I don’t know, you know what I mean? [Laughter] You’re a minority. [Laughter and Applause] But Canadian people have an accent, and it’s funny when you watch white Canadian people talk. Especially white Canadian guys, they have this funny ass way of talking. They talk– the way they speak, they make everythings sound like it’s the most matter-of-fact thing you’ve ever heard in your life, and when they talk to you, it looks like they can’t control their head. [Laughter] It looks like they’re part bobblehead, when they say stuff to you. Some will come up to you and they’ll go, [Canadian accent] “Jesus Christ!” [Laughter and Applause] [Canadian accent] “Did you get a load of the jugs on that one?!” [Laughter] [Canadian accent] “Uh yeah, uh yeah!” [Laughter] They do, and it’s funny to watch! And white people are sitting there going, “No, we don’t have an accent, what are you talking about?!” I can prove to you, white folks, that you have an accent. That’s a pretty bold statement, for brown man, but I can prove to you. White people, when you swear, you sound like donkeys [Laughter] You do, ’cause you’ll say stuff like, [Mimicking braying donkey] “Fuuck Ahhhhhhff!” [Laughter and Applause] [Mimicking braying donkey] “Buull shiiiit!” [Mimicking braying donkey] “Hee-haw! Hee-haw!” [Laughter] You talk funny, man, it’s okay! [Laughter] ♪♪

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