Do You Pass the Idiot Test?

Do You Pass the Idiot Test?


– You know, I was going
to come out here and I was going to talk about
the economy, and whether or not
the government should ease regulatory restrictions on
financial institutions, but I think I would rather
play a game. Doesn’t that sound like
more fun? [loud cheers and applause] So–
[cheers and applause] There’s a show called
“Idiotest” on… [audience laughter]
Game Show Network, Have you seen the show,
“Idiotest”? [cheers and applause]
Yeah. You have? So we played it once here,
before– ’cause I assumed we did not have
any idiots in the audience, and I was–I was mistaken,
I was sadly mistaken. [audience laughter]
Because I– I just assume you’re not idiots, and I know today we have
no idiots in the audience, so I feel safe to play the game
with you today, and know–just to reassure
the world watching that you’re not idiots. Here’s the unfortunate thing:
if we find out you are an idiot, you’re going to have to sit in
an idiot section for the entire show…
[audience laughter] [audience laughter] With a ridiculous hat on.
So– [audience laughter]
Well, anyway, you’re not idiots. What am I thinking?
You don’t have to– Let’s see who–who is
sure they’re not an idiot? It’s an easy one, okay?
– Okay. – They get harder from here.
– Okay. – What is something–
what can animals make that no other animal can? (woman)
What an elephant–what can
an elephant make? – You–I know what I’m saying. [audience laughter] Turns out I’m an idiot. [audience laughter] – What–
what can an elephant make that no other animal can make? – Um… [audience laughter]
Tusks? – Yes, well, that might be true. There are other animals that
have tusks, though. – Oh, correct, right.
[audience laughter] They don’t live in Glendora,
though, so– – What it is is a baby elephant. – Oh! [laughs]
[cheers and applause] [cheers and applause]
– You’re gonna head–come here. [cheers and applause] Get over there.
(audience) Oh! Sorry.
[applause] [applause] All right. [audience laughter] Here we go.
– Okay. This is relatively easy as well. A boy is walking down the road
with a doctor. – Mm-hmm.
– The boy is the doctor’s son. But the doctor isn’t
the boy’s father. How is that possible? – The doctor’s a woman. – Exactly!
[cheers and applause] Yay!
[cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] Good for you!
[cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] Yay!
[cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] Okay, what month do people
sleep the least? – [whispering inaudibly] Now I feel like an idiot.
Um… – You’ll feel more like one
when you sit next to her. [audience laughter]
– June? – June?
And why would you say that? – ‘Cause it’s the beginning
of summer. – No, it’s February because
they have less days. – Oh, I feel so dumb!
[cheers and applause] – Yeah.
No, an idiot, not dumb. That way. A cowboy rides into town
on Friday. He stays for three days and
leaves on Friday. How does he do it? – Oh, God.
– Cowboy rides into town on Friday,
stays for three days… – And–
– Leaves on Friday. How could he do that? – Uh… [audience laughter]
I don’t know. I don’t know.
– You don’t know? – I don’t know.
– The horse’s name is Friday. [cheers and applause] Go join them. All right, here you go. You’re locked
in a freezing cabin, with no way out. There is a candle, a wood stove,
and a lantern. You only have one match.
What do you light first? You want me to say it again? – The–
– You’re locked in a– You’re in a freezing cabin. – Right.
– It’s freezing, right? No way out.
There’s a candle, a wood stove, a lantern. You have one match.
What do you light first? – The stove.
– Mm. Well, most people would say
the candle, so you could light all those
other things, but it’s actually the match. All right.
[cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] Lemar?
Join them. Jane was born on December 28th, yet her birthday always falls
in the summer. How is that possible? [whispering inaudibly] This is ridiculously easy.
[audience laughter] – Is it?
– Yep. – Can you say it one more time?
– All right. Jane was born on December 28th, yet her birthday always falls
in the summer. How is that possible? – Can I have a lifeline?
– Hmm? – I’ll just go on over there.
– All right. [audience laughter] [cheers and applause] By the way, for playing,
each of you idiots over there, you’re getting a $500 Best Buy
gift card, so– [cheers and applause] We reward that!
[cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] And you, too, yes.
[cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] And the rest of you get
this dance!

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