Theo Von Fights the Dark Arts While Eating Spicy Wings | Hot Ones

Theo Von Fights the Dark Arts While Eating Spicy Wings | Hot Ones



hot towels are these hot everything's hot man how you doing Theo I'm good hey what's going on everybody four first we feast I'm Sean Evans and you're watching hot ones it's the show with hot questions and even hotter wings and today we're joined by Theo von you can catch them on the dark arts tour coming to a city near you is special no offense is on Netflix now Andy has a podcast this past weekend which is available on Apple Spotify YouTube and wherever else you get your pots Theo van welcome to the show thank you for having me here I'm happy to be here with you and the and this poultry daddy and I know that you're a Louisiana boy do you practice the dark art of eating spicy food or no actually I got a pepper stuck in my ear when I was young and you know there's a lot of there's a lot of ways people naturally take peppers into the body right right when you take it through that you know past that lobe over that frickin lobe baby that's uh that's some absorbent tissue oh dude you know you never really hear the same and you always hear fire trucks after that your people crying you're the double-wall you know once you've had that burn inside of you okay oh it's already on there it's already on there oh wow I thought they put it on there oh this is cool is behind the scenes mm-hmm so you've described your childhood in Covington Louisiana as white trash and it's clear from watching your standup that it has a big influence in your comedy what's the story behind having to track down infected monkeys when there was an escape at a primate research facility in your hometown yeah on 1994 70 infected monkeys got out and they the cops came in goddess got the tallest kids to help him find him so I was out there you know fucking wrangling chips would you look at him in the eye do outside of a wind he's up a fucking highway 190 brother they don't look at you like you guys have ever met how'd you capture him did you use like fruit traps or something or just your bare hands a lot of his nose haha damn you're looking for fucking death dude you'll die if you go near jump with your hands out like this so we'll be you waiting little pieces of Sean Evans on here does Covington acknowledge the fact that it's the birthplace of Lee Harvey Oswald or is that a fun fact they try to keep to themselves I think it's kind of low-key I mean I know he used to live on our street it's not there's not a lot of relics or anything like that you know we actually have a stall the tallest statue of Ronald Reagan is that he's tall yeah it's a big Ronnie if you liked him you know something you can hang your hat on are you ready to move on Theo yeah you got a ladder you can I'm ready oh wow boy so what are your more ridiculous freetime hobbies is crank texting random numbers and sometimes having these months long conversations with total strangers have you ever developed romantic feelings for somebody that you're a crank texting or vice versa yeah Oh vice verse I think they did I don't know if they did cuz I couldn't see them but I believe that they did do the funnest thing though I would text like nine numbers in a group just random numbers and I would be like yeah I feel like Randall just won first place brought up just found a picture of just Google like Asian boy with trophy and found like a random picture of like an Asian kid with the trophy and I sent it to everybody and people would be like good for him and then somebody like this who the fuck is Randall and somebody else feel like take me off of this chain you know and I'm like y'all fuck y'all y'all weren't there do you guys to support his kid and so he have all these people like it argued about this fictional Viet with this trophy you know beautiful and that's my America really you know but thanks for asking about it but yeah I mean it was you know I quit doing it because now the laws are a little bit different I think now it's more risque and there were some times maybe I'm not like super proud of it but anyway I don't know why I'm just rambling I'm kind of nervous I guess you are yeah the Spicer's at me it's this cream colored hoodie right that's have chris d'elia flashbacks right here does he dress you you know what me and chris ran into each other at Equinox yesterday we had a nice chat yeah bet you did and he straight-up fucking Voldemort ooh that shirt on – yeah dude that guy you know his fuck his dogs are on his Instagram they're not even really his oh lady brings him over and they using them pictures and takes him home damn let's break in news Rob you just got exposed crazy look dude somebody has to man somebody has to take that tall fellow down and you know he used to manage a macaroni grill and he doesn't talk about that really yeah and I made that up as the closest I've ever been to like on a date with a man it's good so being from New Orleans I know that you're a huge Saints fan and I don't mean to dig up any old wounds but is it true that you had an ex-girlfriend cheating on you with one of the offensive linemen damn boy you guys are good yes I did at least one of them you know she's a prolific woman yes I did and one time she took me to a game he got the T given her the tickets and she took me to the game we're sitting in his seat and I was just sitting there cheering for him I don't even know do you think that it was just a bad call that kept the Saints out of the Super Bowl this year do you think it's possible that there was something more sinister at play I still blend the play calling you know Sean Payton wants to be cute all the time do you have a favorite Manning brother what about the one with the short arms Cooper who's that one with the short arms yeah he's gotta be super Doug cool well yeah he's fucking throwing mortgages to people bro I went to a party one time when uh Eli was in college and I went to a party at his apartment and he wore a cowboy hat I thought it was a weirdest fucking thing I'd ever seen in my life dude do it huh we haven't even had to touch this milk huh what's your beef with Denny's bro dude you're nice a joke that whoa someone caught me hmm hey him brah it gets real like somebody's fuckin broke in the back door you know I guess I'm gonna left that key under the pot bro something fucking caught me mm-hmm head on a swivel yeah it just started to get to the point where it was like I just felt like a victim every time I left there and I didn't feel good about myself and I would leave Denny's but doesn't he was just like food it's like you're just programmed to go in there keep are always fistfight if there were anything else they'd shut it down have you noticed this trend of fast food chains putting together comedy Twitter accounts yeah do you ever take on that you have the are beautiful one is the best man fuck with the Arby's 102 I love to see that big hat fucking fist fight grimace bro I say these people should get out on the street you know I say take it from the tweet to the street son you know I'd love to see that big Arby's hat fucking this pie couple of them fry guys or whatever that little fellas names are you know the Wendy's chick on the top rope high elbow just comes in dude just an angry redhead just fucking flying and then Carl's jr. gets in there whatever he is you know [Applause] i doing so far Theo I feel like very good yeah I feel like good to man I was so scared really oh dude I was so scared man and I felt bad mom miles putting her husband in a hospice stays like 90-something man I'm sorry to hear that me – sorry I should have said that but then I'm trying to tell her about this – hot wings I'm about to eat this is so selfish I was like mom it's can't fuckin she's like he's got 48 hours so like I know I know I know yeah I'm not to kill these chicken wings ya about eatin these fuckin goddamn it but so far so good yeah so far so good I feel we have a recurring segment on our show called explaining that Graham where do a deep dive under gas and simple interesting pictures that need more context so I'll bust out the laptop I'll show you the picture you just tell me the bigger story does that sound good yeah all right laptop please all right Theo what was your biggest challenge in climbing Mount Kilimanjaro probably doing duties outdoors at that altitude you know I'm used to operating my ass and basically sea level and you know below sea level even from Louisiana but you know you got a whole different fucking culture inside of you that altitude it is different huh yeah it is and you almost have to have a buddy you gotta have like a little like a shit shaman yeah but I recommend Kilimanjaro to anybody because it's not that hard to do and it can be a nice time to spend with other people where'd you have a better time at the run fair or the field of dreams house wow you guys have good questions dude I forgot about my own life dude the Ren Faire is really a front for people doing drugs there's like a drug sex orgy over that the run fair it's kind of out of control yeah you have a lot of people that you can tell they've been up all night doing sex or sweating and uh some up if you really listen you can hear them fighting about it's regular shit you know oh and each other money for grams and all of this shit and it's like I pick up on that stuff you know these subtleties going on you know so I'm like you see these two dudes fighting with wooden swords and one of them's fucking really in it you know one of them's fighting is trying to fight his way back and a half of an 8-ball the people that go there you see a lot of big tits tied up you know which I like seeing but that field of dreams if you've never been there Dyersville Iowa man you're just driving along and it's definitely worth driving off the interstate board I feel bad man I feel like I'm doing all the talking you know but that's how it goes you know that yeah this guy do you feel do you feel like when you're hosting a guest like what responsibilities do you think you have um ought to be questioned you know I just want to keep the conversation just honestly just as comfortable as I can these days I feel like people like that what do you think is different about when you're a guest versus when you're hosting like sometimes I go on other shows and I feel this ridiculous anxiety because I feel like I have to keep the whole tent up right you know and that actually makes you kind of an annoying guest yeah you know when you should just kind of just sit there and they'll put a ball on a tee for you and you just smack it and then you just load up and smack another ball but I always feel like you know I'm taking over like encroaching like a responsibility and then you might feel bad even if you do sometimes yeah yeah yeah that is it is uncomfortable it's uncomfortable kind of doing both sides of some of the stuff would you do before this ma'am I was a copywriter were you really yeah you ever go on like the subway that's like visit Wyoming and there's like a picture of a bison or something I was like doing that for Chicago and like in a cubicle or whenever Italy yeah but then does it keep my eye of the tiger I would do like freelance articles for different magazines I was like ooh Chicago guy it was kind of a crazy time in my life because I'm working like 80 hours a week every week and I was already working this job that was kind of demanding in its own right and then I'd have all these deadlines floating above me constantly so that was the time in my life I don't regret it because I wouldn't be where I am now write about it but I don't think I could ever relive it where do you think you got that work ethic from that's a lot of work to do you know it's probably looking at myself and maybe feeling like I could do better or be better you know like sometimes you'll see somebody who's got like a 12-pack or whatever but it's like they're kind of perfecting on the outside what's broken on the inside you know it ends up creating this Drive in them like this spot that they didn't even know they have right and I think maybe professionally I was experiencing the same thing I feel like it's well back in Europe yeah like I couldn't put down stakes in this cubicle and just wear khakis to work Monday through Thursday and then have the Friday where I can wear jeans and then I'm like a slave to this microsoft outlook inbox and getting like gee chats and like working on things that I don't give a fuck about it's like that was like death to me like I started getting really into the Chicago Bulls and I was like oh that's how that happens no like Bulls yeah cuz like yeah I'm like I'm like assigning my own sense of self-worth to how good this team does and I was like that's how this shit happens then you're eating every fucking anniversary over at Edna Bewick's or whatever that place is yeah and I'm getting like the the cupcake with the one yeah and that would be the rest of my life and you're fucking killing yourself in a car outside of Hardee's brother do do you know how that happens that's how that spirals actually love Hardee's which the tallest girl he ever dated be honest though when I was in eighth grade I dated this volleyball chick that was like 510 but I was like five three years and then I'm the cover then on the cover of like the 8th grade paper there's like a picture from the eighth grade dance and we're slow dancing and I'm around her hips and she's like I'm at like her waist my mom bought every copy like at graduation came home in just a box those papers she was so proud that's the most ridiculous picture gonna fucking structure sweater vest yeah yeah structure bra yeah structure was awesome dude that's awesome bro that's the shit it's like you're like her son you know yeah [Laughter] I had bronchitis but it's not contagious but dude my first girlfriend at real short hair you know kind of like a young man like a Frenchman and she when the bus would come dude she was much stronger than me she would like lift me up and fucking hit me a kiss goodbye and all my brother and his friends will be on the bus cuz it picked him up first she was literally fucking I couldn't stop her she played second base man I think we got molested damn man fucking thank you so much this one's eaten up boy as a southern boy who ended up in Hollywood what's one way that la has changed you for the better in one way that's changed you for the worse the scary thing you start becoming a straight-up wiener out here bro you know dude it's like if you start worrying about everything you eat you know like you just start everything like it gets a little windy you fucking get scared you know the yoga this morning had some green juice recently had an acai ball yesterday hey dude I mean Jesus bro you know if I even if I can show that to a friend of mine at home dirty fucking probably just put me in it you know just choke me out whoa whoa the air feels different whoa boy this one's got some this was articulate right out of the gate what do you keep looking at me like that dude part of its from a place of empathy part of me sees like sorry don't apologize feels right oh wow Ambra I just remembered some from old time ago strong huh yeah gar easy fast huh you know that's the ticket be it fast that's the hack that's the tip just a heat hack all right Theo von you can see the mullet on top of your head it is a sight to behold if I've ever seen one you're really a connoisseur of the business in front party in the back look so what I want to do is show you some of the other iconic mullets and pop culture history and I just want to know if you can say who they belong to okay Jesus Christ dude up first are you fucking talking to me right now fuck man I forgot fucking like a damn breech birth like I'm fucking coming out backwards yovan born again okay honey that is fucking uh Tony little gazelle freestyler guy sells them Chuck Norris it's not Norris it's Christ this semen nothing too careful run your eyes oh honey that is Jonathan Taylor Thomas Ellen DeGeneres go into generous oh yeah Wow it's a Helen DeGeneres huh Deden this guy Daniel you don't know this guy this didn't got from my hometown is it no I did not dig that deep I don't uh I don't know Andre Agassi and then one more for you Sharon Osbourne David Bowie all right bringin bringin reom what we got you I'm sorry some lifelines sometimes it's gonna fucking help dude Jesus Christ bro it get hurt hey you're drowning here's some water here's an eyedropper hot towels Bravo are these hot everything's fucking hot man how you doing Theo I'm good I'm sorry I'm getting kind of aggressive get violent baby a young brothers shit just feels like fucking it's remodeling me bruh you know it feels like it knows me at a core level dude I gotta call mr. Soto my fucking math science teacher when I was young I feel like I'm doing something happening let's go here's the oh oh oh he's got to get it fast that's the tip oh yeah Pete heck how do you find local spots to eat when you're on the road like do you Yelp I call Joey Diaz he can tell you when you 70 feet away from a good Ruben bra anywhere in America the guy's like a GPS am Mich brother guy can fuck it oh yes yeah yeah you're 40 yards from a fucking Turkey I'm WIC or something you know I'm in Buffalo he's like I look across the street you see a bowling alley like yeah you know I looked her right there's an old lady out there I said yeah she's smoking yeah fucking go in there bro like the dude is a parking very bizarre bro the dark art store is going to Australia in May yeah what are you looking forward to the most and what are you scared of stand up while I'm scared of the snakes you know eight of the most 11 dangerous snakes ever live in Australia because they network you know I'm saying you think they all just ended up there so stuff like that they got animals over there that smoke weed I've seen on the internet people talk they sound you know everybody sounded like they have like you know like a little mini stroke or something you know it's fucking great and they're excited if someone has travelled the country doing comedy what's one tourist attraction that was a huge disappointment when you saw it in real life for me Stonehenge Stonehenge really yeah dude they don't give a fuck about Stonehenge it's like a rest area there's like a place to piss there and like a little they are like every time they give you the past like you really fucking here to see it you go see it and it's really nothing that's just like some rocks and like but we make it to be out this big thing like it's kind of waterslide add it's literally right off the side of the interstate like you think it's gonna be in like this secret place and they don't give a fuck man so I think they just made it exciting for us you know all right Theo von this is the last time we call it the last tab because it's tradition around here to put a little extra on the last way up brother is it really previous making that up dude you know it is you don't have to if you don't want to how all go fucking go deep with you dawg you Neil Armstrong I'm Buzz Aldrin daddy I'm ready to fucking rearrange my chromosomes dawg you know what I'm saying all right here is how autism brother enough to hear huh there's a Haiti hitter baby I feel violet here we are at the end of our run we're at the top of spicy wing Kilimanjaro and as your fans know you've been leading this charge against the dark arts for years on your podcast so on this wing we're hoping that you can shine some of that light onto our hot ones viewers at home yes sir it's hot sauce a part of the bright arts are part of the dark arts I thought it was a lot darker than I thought it's gonna be a lot darker man I think you really brighten it up man thank you for you so I think we just depends on who your liaison is I think who who your leader is cuz yeah this could have gone this could have gone hella sideways I think it was with someone else you know do the best you can even sometimes if you don't want to well that is great advice Theo von and look at you ten chicken wings up ten chicken wings down you're gonna be so proud and now there's nothing all right Charlie two are up here Charlie all right Pete Charlie and now I'm gonna roll out the red carpet for you my friend this camera this camera this camera let the people know what you have going on in your life Oh I'll be doing the dark arts tour doing stand-up comedy in different cities around America and the world and outside of that app a podcast called this past weekend and a new podcast with my friend Brendan Schaub called the king in the sting and both time I think are pretty enjoyable and I'm just honored to cinema see where a lot of other people that might have sat so I really appreciate you having me man this is super cool this is like this has been like I remember seeing this and being like all man would be so cool to do that one day so thank you guys people vomit hey what's going on everybody this is Sean Evans checking in with a quick hot sauce update if you'd like to try the classic Louis Caliente so the last abra ducks heat nice calm heat nice calm has you covered if hot sauce isn't your thing maybe check out a t-shirt or a hoodie over at shop complex calm and if none of that interests you I have been really getting into macho lately matcha latte as much as smoothies matcha pudding I don't know how I went 32 years on this planet without discovering matcha but now I have and it has been a complete game-changer we don't sell any matcha products whatsoever but I'm just saying you should try it out

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